A friend of mine who's my age (early 30s) recently moved with her husband and little daughter to a new town in a nearby state. They were over our house yesterday. In her words, she wanted to start "living right." She wanted to have her house blessed, begin going to church again, and have her daughter baptized. She also hoped to have her daughter attend the local Catholic preschool. She went to the church hoping to schedule a date to have her house blessed. When the priest opened the door, before she even had the chance to introduce herself or tell him why she had come, he said to her, "I can't help you financially" and closed the door.
Needless to say, my friend was devastated. Here was a woman who has not had the easiest time of it in life. She once was very devout. She had fallen away from the faith for awhile and wanted to start over, so to speak. I don't think she was expecting much from the priest at this church, but she did
not expect to be treated so rudely. It occurred to me that even if she had been a "vagrant" looking for a handout, what harm would it have done this man to say, "I'm sorry that I can't help you out right now, but please allow me to give you a blessing?" Is it to be assumed that any youngish person who comes to a Catholic church in the middle of the day is just looking for a handout? Anyway, she's so upset. And this happened months ago.
I feel terrible for her. But worse, I don't know what to say to her. I have no practical advice for her. The most I could come up with was something along the lines of, "Hey, at least it ain't 16th century England. Much worse has happened in the history of the church. This is small potatoes in the vast scheme of things," to which she responded, "It still sucks. It still makes me feel nauseous." And you know what? She's absolutely right. It might not be the worst thing that's ever happened in the history of the world, but it still feels like crap.
I hope this was just a case of someone waking up on the wrong side of the bed. But whatever it was, if a man of God, a priest of Christ, can treat someone he's never met so horribly, what does that say about his Faith, about
THE Faith? We cannot afford to make these kinds of mistakes.
For those of us "on the inside," who are able to persevere in the Faith by the grace of God, it may seem silly to consider that such an interaction could so upset a person. But it
does. It's only natural.
She's not so strong in her faith, but she
wanted to grow in it. She is hurt, and she is very, very angry. Now she and her family are considering attending a church of a protestant denomination, but she said, "I don't want to go there. I
want to be
Catholic." But she's so hurt and conflicted she doesn't know what to do. She does seem to know she needs God and needs a community of faith to help her know Him. We are all made to know God, but if she can't even get in the door of the church, she's got to go somewhere.
So it seemed ironic when I read the pastor's column in the St. Mary's bulletin today. Fr. Namiotka wrote about the importance of community:
So when people tell you that they can "pray alone without a church" remind them that they are meant to be a part of something much bigger than themselves. Jesus didn't mean for us to go it alone. He established the Church for us. We are called to be a part of it. The priest is meant to be there for his people and the people are supposed to support their priest(s).
Our pastor is, of course, absolutely right. Fr. Namiotka goes on to encourage us to invite people to attend mass with us. And I did this yesterday with my friend, but St. Mary's is special, our pastor is (thank God) orthodox, and the people kind and friendly. Not all Catholic churches are like St. Mary's, and besides, she doesn't live nearby.
Well, I would like to say that this experience is merely an isolated incident. However in the course of the past year and a half I have heard
way too many stories like this to count. Lately I think I'm averaging one a week. I heard another one only this past Thursday about a parish (actually several parishes that are supposedly merging into one massive church) in our own diocese. A mother in this parish had worked very hard to establish a youth group intended for high school age kids, only to suddenly lose the support of the pastor. He had, apparently, decided that this youth group was "not necessary" and that instead he would like to establish a youth group for the younger children, six and up. She was mystified, frustrated, and said she wouldn't be volunteering her help anytime again real soon. To add insult to injury, this capable mother and college graduate was told that they needed to find "qualified" people to teach CCD and head up such groups...certified school teachers and persons with advanced degrees. Uh-huh.
I do not want to perpetuate any stereotypes about young adults or young families as religiously indifferent, because I believe this is far from the truth. In case you wonder why there aren't more young adults and young families in your parish, though, let me assure you, this kind of stuff is why. I'm not saying every younger adult has had a "run-in" with a priest or an "incident" at their parish. Not at all. But what I am saying is that people want to be treated decently. If they can't even get in the door, there's not much chance they're going to keep coming back.
Further, if we don't start supporting people's efforts to help young adults, kids, and all Catholics to grow closer to the Lord in the context of their
own parishes, the fall-off is going to continue. Frankly, we ought to be nothing short of amazed to witness
any religious and priestly vocations
at all.
Finally I'd like to mention something I've noticed about my generation. It's been my observation (and I know I'm not alone in this) that my generation, for whatever reason, has a desire for the authentic and a general distaste for the hypocritical. If they catch a whiff of hypocrisy, they're outta there. Maybe it's because they are a generation that grew up in broken families and divorce, who knows? We can leave that to the sociologists. But whatever the reason, they are realists. They want to live their lives authentically--in whatever way that may be to them. They dislike people and organizations, be they religious or secular, that say one thing and do another. This is why--at least in part--we see such personal devastation when someone representing the church
behaves so badly. It stinks of both inauthenticity and hypocrisy. It's just yucky. So I think the resistance of younger people to institutional religion, as they may see it, is not accidental. It is not intellectual or religious laziness. It is deliberate, and it is often well thought out. They have their reasons. And yes, sometimes they are understandable. After all, what good is a religion that turns us into mean people, liars, or worse, totally corrupt people?
So let's all try to remember that, whether we're lay or religious or priest, we all represent the Church. People will enter its doors based--at least in part--on how we treat them and how we live our lives. If we want people to come into the Church, we have to act like people matter.